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Get real

Something happened recently that really got me motivated to shed some light on something that I’ve noticed,  since I joined Facebook. I have only told the story to a few trusted friends — due to some “he said – she said” — I will respectfully not repeat the whole story here. Basically I was misunderstood when I placed a line from a movie into my comment on a  ” Facebook friends” status update. The ensuing string of responses sparked the fire to write a note — ultimately leading me to share my story with those few above mentioned friends. Both of them agreed that this facet of Facebook needed to be pointed out. Though I am sure that this has and will not be the last time.

Okay Okay enough buildup, for goodness sake! Here it is:

There are way too many sycophants on Facebook! For this moment I will focus on the “guys following chicks” and the “legion of girl-trash.”

First, to the guys:

I get it, fellas… You scroll through your friends list and gawk at the stunning profiles of beautiful women — I get it because, we have all done it. I will be the first to admit I am fortunate to know a good number of gorgeous women — where we differ as men is our approach.  Some of you feel the need to like and/or comment on the status and pictures  — of every good-looking girl on your own, or your friends’ lists of friends. It’s almost ” legal stalking” except you lack in the stealthy suave ways of flawless flirting — instead of under the radar, you steer your vessel of missing mojo directly into the laser clad watch tower that is — “EVERYONE else on Facebook watching — as you nosedive into the “friend zone” at full throttle…… (Way to be incognito compadre.)

There are of course guys that actually are friends with some of these ladies and I am not referring to them… Er… us. How many times have you seen a girl quote a song and have thirty guys try to make her feel better — then watch as she tries to explain it? I have seen everything from, unsolicited fitness/diet advice — to ridiculous comments on pictures — pathetic attempts at humor, hook up requests, and so on! (I know some of you are sitting there right now laughing and nodding as you read this — probably able to think of an example fitting these dynamics instantly.) I’ve also noticed that one can usually tell by the response whether the “sweetie” knows the “beau.”



I have some possibly eye-opening information for all of you Facebook “Wooers” based on years of observing comments and replies — not to mention first hand witnessing of facial expressions:

  1.  She knows she’s hot hat’s why the picture was posted. She wants her real friends to comment, surely; I know there are girls just attention seeking (more on that later), but please stop already !
  2.  She is not your “Mamie”, “babe,” or “honey.” She won’t become that because of your amazing vocabulary skills either.
  3.  Not everything a good-looking girl posts is worthy of a like or some obsequious follow-up comment.
  4. I love my lady friends because they post some great stuff! BUT I KNOW THEM — and the ones I do not know — well I get the feeling they won’t be dragging me off to the nearest obscure motor inn or alley way — simply because I complimented them. Hey “If I’m wrong about that, please message me and I’ll prepare to be dragged!”
  5.  She has people she spends time with, and you are not likely to become one of them — especially, if you live in Sri Lanka and she is in Boston. This is actually more common than you would think… Which leads me to the next point!
  6.  All of this verbal genuflecting is creating a legion of young girls — who now lack the motivation, voracity, avidity, and/or propensity — to be clever, respectful, or worthy of adoration. Their posts and comments prove it. They will be discussed shortly.
  7.  For goodness sake, “get off your phone/laptop and meet a live person!” You pedantic, pontificating, pretentious couch potato! Some Jim Carrey alliteration is always safe.

Now moving on to the “FEMALES” I just mentioned in my sixth point:

I know, most of you DON’T want a man’s opinion on anything… You clearly have everything figured out. You bless us daily with your status updates and comments. You are brilliantly illuminating the world with gems like, ” I still taste last nite on my mouth. I’m gonna sleep all day and go back to town with my bitch and get sloppy again. Providence, your in for a treat!” However, this man’s opinion is shared by most people so pay attention! Those guys who make you look — so — like — cool —  by telling you howinspirationally deviant” you are. Or in his words “Girl , you so fly!” are BOYS. While MEN will find a good picture of a gorgeous woman appealing, they are usually repulsed by non-ladylike behavior.

It is not cool to be trashy. It is not sexy to sound like a sailor on shore leave… “Unless you ARE a sailor on shore leave!” But it’s doubtful that “the not so lady-like ladies are capable of surviving even a mild version of a Navy boot camp. That being said — there are plenty of women who dance or model and post pictures who are not trashy. Their posts are about family, friends, music, and comical situations. They can have fun and still be undeniably lady-like or simply real women.

fb pic omg no


Some facts for all those who think head butting a wall when the club is at capacity will get you anywhere:

1) Learn about makeup. What is with the eyes? I will admit i do not wear it so I can only speak from an observer’s point of view… I have one friend who dances and really goes all out for costumes and her look for each night. She knows exactly how to pull this off correctly. She does not look like Cleopatra after three rounds with Floyd Mayweather. Most times less is more.

2) People are always watching……..” As a thirty something young at heart, I am learning this rather later than i should have; my wish for you is that you don’t have to lose friends and more before you learn it.” People are also always listening.

3) It is good to be stretching ones wings and learning about oneself, but it must be done with as much class as possible, not as little.

4) Learn about picture-taking and the best way to be artistic. I am not mentioning duck face. Oops, I mentioned them ( insert thought here!)

5) Positive beats negative every time.

6) LEARN HOW TO SPELL! This actually applies to everyone. I am not talking about Internet words, but about sentences like the one above.

7) Talking about your bodies as a shock and awe routine is so Howard Stern. Let the professionals handle that! Much more can be said to both groups of people but I believe this soapbox session is over for now. If one person could get some perspective from my crude attempt at putting thought to “pen,” then I will have succeeded.

Written By: Aaron C.





I AM MAN……..

“HEAR ME ROAR” would just be way to cliché — so instead I will say

” How you dooooin?”…Now that the girls have giggled and thrown up in their mouths, I can happily begin my first post for Here and Sphere.

Woman are funny, disturbing, wildly attractive, and insanely annoying creatures. They have brilliant minds, and Jedi tricks — their super powers are kind of awesome — also THEY PISS ME OFF TO NO END.

However: without them life would SERIOUSLY be a GIANT boring sausage fest, of gaming, messy houses, unshaven…..well…EVERYTHING….and TOTAL BOREDOM.

So in the spirit of these brazen, self – starting, and completely  bewildering Goddesses…. <—-(hoping I scored points there, though doubtful) — I give a peace-offering of sorts. INFORMATION, yup that’s right…. I may even break guy code here — so hopefully no one puts a hit on me. IF I live to see another day, MEN — Will at some point thank me….. I PROMISE…


Q. Numero Uno) Why in the hell does it take so damn long for a guy to take a crap?

A. Well my lovely Fast Crapper’s, and power pusher’s of the world;                  1.) WE ENJOY THE DAMN SILENCE. The reason that porcelain god is called a “Throne” is — for when we sit upon it We are one again King of OUR castle.  ”If” we share a domicile, that means that at some point…..YOU WON. We surrendered our hearts and spare key, to the woman we knew should be ” Our Queen”. 

2.) The Solace of the “poop room” helps us to think…. ( Yes we really do that thinking thing….smart-ass) It’s a “Turd World Country” but it is rich in plush Cottonelle butt-paper. Plus there are hand-towels..neatly folded and perfectly placed hand-towels (that we KNOW we are NOT supposed to touch — since they are simply there to look pretty.)

3.) THERE ARE NO RULES…Other than the hand-towel NO-NO!!!! In the “Palace of Poo” we men are FREE. We are allowed by human-ism, and possibly god given right — to obnoxiously fill the air — with our rancid man-ufactured, possibly toxic, tear-inducing ass perfume. AND THERE…..It is acceptable….even encouraged.

4.) Finally and most honestly –IT FEELS GOOD….. There I said it.. After all we worked hard for that feeling of accomplishment. After stuffing our faces behind the backs of our beloved queens, and slowly digesting our gluttonous bounty — it feels GREAT to know….. OUR CRAP STILL WORKS……….

The ever evolving man

The ever evolving man